Happy December 1st
So it snowed today. That always makes for an exciting extra 3hrs in the car. As I trudge though the .5 inches of snow to my car which I parked in the only spot within 27 miles of my apartment, I notice something odd. No cars on the street. Not even the dismal gray rental Ford Focus that I’m pretty sure I parked there overnight. Why would someone steal that car? More troubling, why would someone buy that car? Do American car companies even have designers? Or do they just mold plastic and metal into a random brick-like shapes and slap wheels on it? Anyway, so it’s off to the Chicago auto impound lot. If you’ve never had your car towed, it’s quite a treat. You’re warmly greeted in the office by customer friendly, hardworking city employees. And when I say “office” I mean a trailer. Not just any trailer, but something dragged cross country by Mad Max from rural south Florida after a category 4 hurricane. And when I say customer friendly employees I mean 43 unmotivated people who have nothing but disdain for those lucky enough to have cars relocated to Chicago Impound Lot #6. Ironically, a “Service with a Smile” sticker is proudly displayed above the counter. Despite all this I tried to maintain a friendly demeanor, mostly because I feared for my safety while in the Thunderdome.
Is there any place more inefficient then the auto impound lot? I submit no. Even though employees out number “customers” 43-1, the process can only be described as glacial. I don’t even know what half these people do. “Hey you, are you capable of staring at a wall for 8 hrs without blinking? Do you hate working with people? Want an exciting career in the fast paced auto impoundment industry? You’re hired!” “You over there, go grab 10 of you friends and just stand outside.” Is there really just one employee and rest are his entourage? It’s like a black hole where not even the slightest bit of productivity can escape its vortex. The worst part, although so many moments to choose from, was a conversation I overheard between 2 auto relocation engineers:
Sr. auto relocation engineer: “So how many get last night?”
Assistant auto relocation engineer: “Dude, I got like 9, it was great.”
Sr. auto relocation engineer: “Yeah I cruised around a bit; it’s a goldmine out there”
Just kick me when I’m down. I mean, I understand you have a job to do and that everybody has to earn a living, but is this really the time to talk about it? Imagine if my job was clubbing baby seals:
Sr. Baby Seal Clubber: “So how many you get last night?”
Me: “Dude, I got like 9, it was great.”
Sr. Baby Seal Clubber: “Yeah I bludgeoned a dozen; it’s a goldmine out there”